Sleep over.

Well today was another horrible day. Yesterday was pretty bad but today takes home the gold.  I already didn't feel good when I got to school and I had a bad feeling about going to school.  I got piss tested in 3rd period and that's always no fun.....then I had to go with Momma Mcgee to pick up the little's Mcgee's crap from the Redneck down the street today and it suckedddd. He was such a jerkk...tryin' to take my baby and shit. Ahlexa is one as of last Tuesday and her father is just retarded so were all dealing with a bunch of crap right now.  Tay-Bay and I are havin' a little sleep over tonight because it was needed and I didn't get my paper written like I was suppose to but I can't focus today...my body is drained and needs sleep.  I'll work on it this weekend instead of going out.
Well I finished Tweak and it was amazingggggg. My new favorite book.  I just started reading a book called "Life" and it's about Keith Richards and the Rolling Stones so I'm excited to read this one to because it's about to be nuts.  Well it's about time for us to go to bed. Goodnight Bloggerrrrrr.

J-Momma

Annoyed.

Today was just bad. I didn't go to school cause I felt like crap so I went to the doctor and got tested for mono again...hopefully I don't have it again or I'm screwed. I had it two years ago and I had to quit basketball because of it and that just broke my heart.  I had other reasons for quitting but mostly it was because my body was tired and couldn't do it anymore.  I can't just quit my job....I need the money and I'm in co-op so there is no option.  I think I've just been doing too much lately.  I sleep all the time and I'm always tired...maybe I'm just depressed... I dunno. I guess I'll find out when I get the tests back.  Today sucked cause it's been raining all day and my brother is being a total douche bag like always.  I'm so sick of him...he's never home and when he is...he's just a dick.  I don't have time to deal with those kinds of people in my life.  I have better things to do then listen to him talk about his stupid girlfriend...cause that's all he cares about.  You would think he would care about his sister and his parents but he doesn't.. he's not even home once a week. He comes home to shower..sometimes ...eat...and drop his laundry off. I'm just sick of dealing with all our family problems by myself.  He's never around to care and it pisses me off.  He has no idea what I have to deal with everyday..even if he did know I don't think he would care.  It feels like everyone I talk to has bad money problems right now and we do too.  It's so hard to get through everyday dealing with all this.  People say high school should be the best years of your life but I hope their wrong.  Once I save enough money to live by myself and pay for my own car things will be a lot easier but that will be years from now if I have to keep helping every week.  I don't mind helping because their my parents but I wish my brother would help too.  He's been helping for like a year but things are bad right now and we need his help. They are our parents...that's a given to help them.  But he doesn't care...he would rather spend his money on his girlfriend or his car...real cute right...jerk.  I wish he wasn't so much like my father.  He doesn't listen to my mom either and it's so annoying.  I just wish we could all get along and help each other but no...it's all on my shoulders...like always. Whatever. Screw people.

J-Momma

Currently

Pages this week: 120
Total Pages: 330
Books I've Read: Tweak

Favorite Sentences:

1.  " As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster.  You have to be whole and complete in yourself.  No one can give you that.  You have to know who you are- what others say is irrelevant. "

2.  It's too goddamn early and my stomach is all cramped up as I board the 747 for Honolulu. 

3.  When I was little, especially when I visited my mom in L.A., the only escape I had was watching movies.

I love this first sentence because it's true...if you only look to other people for approval you'll never be happy because you could do anything and everything in life and people still wouldn't be happy...so you have to do all you can for yourself and no one else.

September 11th

Well today is september 11th and it's weird to think that everything happened 10 years ago today...I was in second grade and so young then.  I didn't really undetstand back then but now I know everything that happened and how many people died and how bad it hurt our country.  Well that's my thoughts on that subject...nap time.

J-Momma

Another day in Paradise....

Happy Hump Day!!! Only two more days of school then the football game with my girls and hangin' out after that.  I've been waiting for weeks to have a Friday night off and be able to go to the football and be a normal senior.  There is soooo much drama right now it's just annoying...i hate people and their stupid shit I have to deal with everyday.  I'm gonna make a sign that says " Whatever you want...I don't care..Leave me alone..end of story"...and i'm gonna put it on my shirt...swear. Normally I write my thoughts in a journal but because I have to write so many words every week on blogger....I just speak my mind on here. :) and it's workin' just fine.  I feel like the days just past me by and I can't even enjoy being a teenager...people say these are the best years of your life...I wanna have my good years. I've been a wild child all of high school but since I started workin' I've gotten a lot better and a lot smarter about my actions.  In my book(which I'm almost done with!), Nic has everything going for him but he messes everything up because instead of growing out of the party stage...he turned his party stage into his whole life...and that's how people become addicted to drugs...I've seen it first hand and it's the saddest thing I've ever seen and I hope I don't have to see it again but I know in the next ten years i'm probably going to lose some friends from high school to drugs and they might die...that's just a fact of life.  If kids in high school have to drink in the morning just to get through the day because they party so much..they have a serious problem that is going to be with them for the rest of their lives...and when they turn 21 it's going to be 10 times worse because they can go to clubs and get drunk whenever they want.  Well it's late and I need to get to bed.

J-Momma

Weekly Friday Blog

Pages read this week: 102
Total Pages: 210
Books I've read: Tweak

Favorite Sentences of the week:

1. Recovery is strange, you know? I mean, it is so easy in a way and yet, well, so difficult.

2. But the thing is, as the months go by, I always seem to forget why I needed to get sober in the first place.

3. There're a ton of young people at the meetings....it's almost hip to be in recovery here.

These are my favorite sentences of the week because they talk about Nic finally getting into rehab and how difficult it is for him but he's going to try and make it through and get clean this time.  He actually wants to do something with his life and his sponser Spencer is helping him through everything.

Sick Day

Well I've been feeling pretty shitty lately and I slept like all day yesterday so I stayed home from school.  Partly cause I didn't feel good...partly because I had a bunch of homework..and partly because I hate Homestead and the people in it. So I slept in today and had to deal with a bunch of stupid family shit. I should have just gone to school so I wouldn't have to deal with this.  I tried to get out of my life and into Nic's life cause he's got it a lot harder then me but he put himself there and I didn't do anything to deserve any of this.  Nic had a good life and a good family, they didn't have money problems but his parents got divorced and that sucks. That's about the only thing in my life that doesn't suck. My parents are still married but we have a ton of issues. I'm trying to buy a car but I'm too young to get a loan so I have to through my mom and pay her every month but by the looks of it I'm not getting the car and I'm pretty pissed about it.  She feels bad and tries to help but it just pisses me off even more.  I'm so sick of worrying about money and I'm only 17 and I have the weight of so many peoples lives on my shoulders and I hate it.  I just wanna get away from all this.  I wanna go to college far away from here and far away from anyone I know so I can worry about me and my school work and my career but I can't do that. I have to stay here and fix everything...like always.  Nic just picked up and left everyone he cared about for drugs..he just wanted to hang out with girls and get high with his friends. He's not concerned about his family or the people he used to care about because they can stand on their own two feet but he can't.  I feel like my world is the opposite.  I feel like everyone around me needs me 24 hours a day and to bring money in to pay for all my own stuff but there just isn't enough time in the day for me to get everything done that I need to do.  I have so much homework but the days I'm off I just wanna see my friends cause I don't think about my problems as much but then I have to sit there and hear about there problems and act like I care but I really don't anymore...all the highschool drama is just stupid. I took myself out of it...I don't date guys from my high school anymore because their immature and don't have a clue about life after high school.  I just can't wait to get out of this place and move on from the stupid drama.

J-Momma