Currently

Favorite sentences of the week:

1. "I am the weak one of the herd" Nic.

2. He tells me if I truely love Lauren, I'll leave her alone to clean up for awhile.

3. I blink a couple times.  Pink and green geometric shapes form against the white walls. It's like a tower of flashing triangles is building itself up organically from the ground. I can't get rid of them.

These were my favorite sentences because it shows that Nic is realizing how weak he truely is for doing everything he's done to his family and his friends. He talks about how nice he is and how he wants to make friends with the people he meets everyday but those people aren't the people he should be friends with...they are digging him in a deeper hole.  Lauren went to rehab and she wants to get help.  Her parents are trying to help her and Nic but he won't go back to rehab even though he says he loves Lauren.  I would think it would be easier to get through detox together and not one person be clean and the other still be high all the time.

Books I read this week: Tweak
Pages I've read this week: 108
J-Momma

Horrible day

Today has been a horrible day.  I have so much drama with one of my friends it's making my life a living hell so I told her today...I'm done..it's time for me to think about me.  All this drama is stressing me out for no good reason at all.  So after I came home from dealing with her and her drama I took a break and read some more out of my book.  When I read Tweak I go into a different world where I don't have to worry about real life problems..I can just focus on the drama in the book..and I can see the end and I know it's all going to end then that's it..the book is over and I move on to the next one. I guess life is kinda like that..you have to deal with certain peoples problems and when your done with their crap..you shut them out of your life because toxic people aren't gonna get you anywhere in life.  But when you shut them out...another needy person comes running into your life with 50 new problems and the cycle continues til the day you die...how depressing is that? I feel like when I read about Lauren (Nic's girlfriend) she just wants to get help and get away from Nic.  I think Nic is that toxic person in her life that she trys so hard to get away from but she always goes back because she loves him but I think maybe the only reason she thinks she loves him is because he's the one giving her all the drugs she's doing and when they are making love their high on meth and it makes her feel a different way then she would if she were sober.  My friend and I are like that in ways.  She's my toxic person in my life and she keeps coming back into my life day after day and i'm so tired of it. My body is just tired.  I need to focus on the good people I have in my life that aren't stupid about their life choices and that are going somewhere in their lives.  I need to be around people that can set an example or someone that I can talk to about school or work...not someone that does nothing all day and wants everything to be handed to them.  Some people think i'm being cruel but it's just not my job to care about everyone all the time..I don't have the energy for it anymore.. I hope Lauren finds it in herself to stay in rehab and fix all of her issues and I hope Nic lets her go because he knows he's bad for her to be around because she wants to change and he doesn't. You can't make someone want to change anything about themselves..simple as that...if someone doesn't want to get clean from whatever drug they chose to be on..then you can't do anything to make that person what to quit.  People have to be strong enough to do it alone and without the help of other people every step of the way.  When my ex used to try and tell me how to live my life and tell me what to do...I dropped him because I'm old enough to make my own choices and I'm mature enough and not stupid so I can make those choices. Some just chose to think they are above the law and they can do whatever they want to do whenever they want to do it.  And people like that...end up on the street, sellin' drugs, in jail, or dead...that's just life and some people aren't strong enough to handle it.  But that's their problem and they have no business putting that on other people. It feels so good getting all this off my shoulders because today...I just don't care...I'm gonna do me.

J-Momma

Tweak.

When I started reading Tweak it made me think about how different my life could be if I made some of the choices that Nic made when he was young.  All it takes is trying something one time and people get hooked and simply can't get off the drug.  Nic had a good family growing up, he had a little brother and sister..and that didn't change the way he acted or the things he did.  If I had little siblings I would try and do everything I could to be a good example for them when they grow up.  If your siblings grew up watching their big brother be high all day on meth it's gonna make them think it's okay to do those things because if their brother can do it...why can't they?  It only takes one time to mess up your whole life..one time and your world will end as you know it.  I don't understand why people that do hard drugs do them in the first place when they know what it can do it their family and their friends..why would someone make that choice knowing how it would affect everyone around them?  It's because when your in the moment and someone asks if you want something...you only think about yourself..then you only think about how to get your next fix...but I have enough common sense and I care about the people around me so much that I would never even think for one second to do something like that to them.  My family needs me to go to work and make some money to help out.  Things I do everyday is what normal teenagers do...i get up...go to school...do homework..go to work..it keeps me out of situations that make me uncomfortable. I want to make something of myself one day. I wanna do good in school and built myself up the working world. I understand how hard it's gonna be and that's why I'm making some of the hard choices now so I won't regret any of my choices down the road.  I watch some of my friends everyday..and I think about one day if they choose to try a hard drug...what if they don't stop and think about what it would do to me or to their families?
What if they don't even care?  I do so much for people and I always have but when I sit back and think what people do for me..it just makes me mad because I don't get what I give...so i've been trying this new thing...I'm not concerned about other people like I used to be.  I don't see the point anymore.  I should be concerned about my life, school, work, and getting ready for college..not everyone's stupid childish problems.  Well it's late and I gotta wake up early for school.

J-Momma

Blogging..Day 1.

Well today is finally Friday. It's been the longest week everrrrrr. We started school on a Monday this year so we had a full week of school and we are all exhausted.  I'm a co-op student so I'm required to work 15 hours a week at Moe's Southwest Grill.  I normally work like 30 hours a week because I have to pay for a lot of my bills and help my mom pay for some things.  Class is almost over so I'll be back to write very soon.

J-Momma